Do you ever feel like ‘Damaged Goods’?
“I am TOO broken for a relationship”
“I could NEVER let a partner SEE the extent of the damage that resides within”
“I’m fucked up”
“I wouldn’t date me”
“I DON’T WANT ANYONE TO KNOW HOW BROKEN I AM!”
I can’t tell you how many people I have witnessed break down in a heap in workshops. Not lost people. Not people with MAJOR societal dysfunctions, addictions or disorders. I’m talking regular, every day people, who come across as well, centred, successful, powerful and even ‘happy’.
On top of that I can’t even tell you the number of escort clients who have broken down (way back in my escort days). Guys who came to see me for ‘a good time’ and who ended up in a mess after revealing things to me that they wouldn’t tell their therapist.
I participated in my first intensive workshop at the ripe age of 21 (20 year ago!) It was me and 400 other people in the room. For the next two years I assisted on workshop after workshop, each holding another 400, every day, humans.
One after the other they would courageously rise up to the microphone and begin sharing something trivial; a complaint about their boss, or a complaint about their children not picking up their socks, a complaint about the workshop itself, how the facilitator was arrogant or some other projection, and then 15 minutes later they were sharing the grief of the death of a child, or their abandonment by a parent, or their deepest shame, or how they were bullied for years….
I remember sitting in my chair, as I’d observed ‘pretty girls’, ‘stay at home mums’, ‘athletes’, ‘CEO’s’, ‘hipsters, ‘artists’, ‘university professors’, ‘tradies…
…NO ONE was immune from the scars of living.
As I moved into embodiment work the pain was even more pronounced as people tapped into cyclonic rage, or sat before me with snot running down their nose from finally connecting with and releasing the immensity of their pain.
So when people say to me, I don’t want anyone to know how broken I am, OR my biggest fear is that no one will love a damaged person like me, I can’t help but think to myself …
….but EVERYONE is kind of broken! And that’s OK!!!
What ‘broken’ people need (aka everyone, myself included) is not to be ‘fixed’ BUT rather to be loved!!!
And the most powerful tool to healing that I have came across is the experience of being witnessed and deeply loved in the depth of our broken-ness.
It’s as if the love creates a magnetic field of restoration in that moment when we feel the most ashamed, wounded, vulnerable and alone.
There is NOTHING wrong with you. So what? You’re ‘broken’. Join the rest of the human race.
You’re also perfect. And I love your wide open heart! Scars, wounds and ALL!